Accepting Criticism

Do you feel betrayed when someone offers you criticism?  Annoyed?  Irritated?  Offended?  Hurt? 

I think many of us do.  We have so much pride, that we can't take it.  We feel worse after receiving a word of criticism than Paul did after receiving a 100 stones being thrown at him.  Or, we find any and every reason possible to say that the criticism is unwarranted, illegitimate or hypocritical. 

So you know what happens?

We learn not to criticise others... to their faces.  Because if we do, they'll be offended, irritated and hurt.  No, we should just "love" them.  And by "love" we mean tolerate them.  (To their faces, that is--we are pretty good at criticising them to others in the name of "venting.")  Tolerance has become such a value in our society it means that we are, for the most part, cowards about directly telling people in our lives things we know they don't want to hear. 

Yes, cowards.

But let me ask you... Which would you rather have:

1. People thinking about you in a negative way and not brave enough to offer any criticism.  Instead, they discuss your short-comings with others at length and only hint in a general way about "people out there" who have problems, when they really mean you.  They grumble and display an uncooperative and bad attitude around you. 
2. People telling you directly what their criticism is, in private, and couched in statements of love and respect for other good qualities along with a disclaimer that perhaps they could be reading things wrong and allowing you the ability to accept or explain.

If you ever get the latter, be very happy!  You are blessed!  If someone shares criticisms of you like that go to great lengths to explore the depths of their thoughts and probe them for as much insight as they can offer.  Thank them for giving you their criticism.  They are gold! 

They are gold because there are so few of them.  Few people will really tell you what they're thinking.  Instead, they will take the former approach in the name of "love" and "tolerance."  But only the latter can be truly helpful to you.  You may disagree with them, and that is okay, but be thankful to God that they loved you enough to truly try to help you.  They will become the people you respect the most.

Don't be offended or hurt by their criticism because, c'mon--you already know you're far from perfect and so do others.  Don't expect others to think you are perfect, or to effectively worship you, in order for you to trust them.  Don't just accept criticism... be thankful to the person who is brave enough to offer it to you in a loving way.

A Pure Heart

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence

or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation

and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Jesus is the Lord

Jesus is the Lord.  I am not.  Jesus is good.  I am not.  Jesus is king.  I am not.  Jesus is God.  I am not.  Jesus is the Savior.  I am not.  Jesus is holy.  I am not.  Jesus is worthy of praise.  I am not.  Jesus is the good shepherd.  I am not.  Jesus is all-wise.  I am not.  Jesus' ways are higher than my ways; his thoughts are higher than mine.  People should look to him, not to me.  People should be excited about him, not by me.  People should be impressed with what he has done, not by what I have done. 

Jesus is the one.  Jesus is good.  He is good.  He is good.

Who do I think I am?

Who do I think I am?  I am nobody.  As soon as a few things go well I have proven over and over again to be filled with pride and think that I am somebody important.  I get this idea that I can speak into other people's lives--tell them things they don't want to hear about themselves.  It's classic, "Let me take this speck of dust out of your eye," while the log in mine is blinding me.  Then it usually doesn't take too long before I get slammed down to the ground.  How dare I stick my head up and act like I know something about anything.  Pride makes me so ready to do so.

Lord, forgive me.  I am a fool.  Have mercy on me because I am a sinner.

Gluttony 2

A few more thoughts on gluttony...

If we compare the consumption of physical food to the consumption of "spiritual food" it is interesting to draw some parallels between our physical and spiritual health.

I didn't get into the whole topic of the kinds of foods we should eat versus the kinds of foods we shouldn't eat in my ramblings on gluttony. It is important, but I didn't go there. One of the points I wanted to make was that, for weight loss, added exercise doesn't usually help us if we don't have a change in our diet.

So it is spiritually. Doing good things, serving and performing other kinds of ministry are good. But they don't really help our spiritual health a whole lot if we are still consuming a steady diet of spiritual junk food: TV smut, pornography, celebrity gossip, soap operas, romance novels, pop psycology books, gossip with other people, music TV, advice from men's/women's magazines, or any other media that convey messages about our worth, value, meaning, or worldview that is different from God's word.

I'm not saying we can't "taste" SOME of these things so we at least know what the world is saying and how people who do eat these things up are affected, but they shouldn't be our "main course." Instead, it would do us well to have a steady diet of God's word and to help us understand God's heart and how to hear/listen to his voice.

Bearing good fruit without being deeply rooted in the Vine is very difficult to do.

Gluttony

I've been thinking about gluttony lately. It is one of those sins we don't take very seriously in the American church. If we were to compare gluttony to adultery, they would come out at completely different ends of the "seriousness of sin" spectrum we have constructed in our minds or in our society. How many times have you heard of a pastor that has "fallen" because he committed an act of gluttony... and therefore had to step down from ministry in disgrace?

Yeah, me neither.

I confess to the sin of gluttony. And I haven't just committed an isolated act of gluttony... I do it regularly! Buffets and bars (of the salad/food type) are temptations I can't resist. What's worse, I often eat to stay awake while I watch a late-night movie, drive, or work at my computer. Nothing keeps me awake as well as eating. Over time, these actions have accumulated quite the display around my mid-section.

I know... I'm not alone. Perhaps you're right there with me. So many people share this problem that we rarely, if ever, hear taken seriously in church. And this is while America is one of the most (or is it THE most?) obese nations on the planet!

It is ironic that in a society that equates "fat" with "ugly" (here in The Location being a little overweight can be attractive, and at the very least is not detractive) and where you can search for hours in magazines and soap operas to find one image of an obese person without any success, that obesity is on the rise and is smashing records.

But this post isn't about obesity--it's about gluttony. Obesity is one of the the consequences of long term gluttony.

Gluttony, plain and simple, is eating more than your body needs. Our bodies only need so much. And for millenia humans on earth have mostly dealt with the issue of not having enough to eat. In poor and developing countries you hear people talk about average caloric intake of the population. Usually it is BELOW what people's bodies need. And so organizations like the UN's World Food Program try to get balanced meals to kids that include high levels of protein in order to up the calories they consume.

In America, people spend hundreds of dollars each year for gym memberships to go running on machines that are designed to burn up all of the extra calories we consume. Kind of funny. (It's too bad we can't capture all that energy and load it into the power grid. Actually, I just saw in a neighboring country to The Location some public exercise bikes in the park that are hooked up to what looks like water pumps. Not sure what they're pumping for.)

I have always bristled when people would suggest to me that I eat too much in explanation of why I'm overweight (like I needed it, thanks). I would point to my roommate in college who has always been something of a "rail." He would eat every bit as much as me--perhaps more--and would never get fat. Nope, always thin. I would completely envy his "metabolism." Yet, I am the one guilty of gluttony, not him?

Many people have said, "God just made some people fat and some people skinny. We should just accept who we are and how he made us." And for a long time, though I had wished God made me thin, I just accepted that this is how I'm supposed to be.

But now I am starting to see things a little differently...

My father has diabetes, my older sister is getting it, and I have high blood pressure. I know what's coming. If I don't change my weight, I will surely get diabetes in the future. The risk of diabetes is extremely effected by being overweight. If you can control your weight, you can actually prevent diabetes. (I know this isn't true for 100% of diabetes cases, but it is remarkably high.) There are a host of health related problems that are caused by obesity.

So, is this just how God designed me? It seems he didn't design our bodies to be overweight if by being overweight it causes all of these problems for our bodies.

If by eating more than I need I put on weight, the solution seems pretty obvious to me. I don't need to eat as much as I do. In different scenarios in the human experience on earth, this would be a huge blessing. I actually don't need to eat as much as my college roommate. If we lived together 3,000 years ago during a world famine, I might survive while he perished. It's not that God has cursed me with low metabolism--it's just that he has blessed me with not needing to eat as much as I do. (Not that I don't want to--desire/hunger is another issue.)

The solution to obesity, for me, isn't in trying to burn off all the extra calories I consume. That just seems silly. I mean, exercise is good for the body and good for the heart. But when you sit back and think about it, it is crazy--our bodies need a certain amount of calories, but we eat more, so then we do artificial activity just to burn off those extra calories. And what is even more funny--it doesn't even work that well. You see, our bodies crave equilibrium. So, if we are accustomed to eating so much and then all of the sudden we do new activity to burn off those calories, our body reacts by making us hungrier so we will consume more calories to make up for the ones we're losing. Exercise without diet change is a recipe for bodily disaster (in terms of obesity--it is still good for the heart). That is why any fast changes is our weight is not good. Our body will work against us. Slow change gives our body enough time to adjust to a "new equilibrium."

Not eating more than I need is the solution. Not committing gluttony, actually. (Funny how obedience to God's way is the best for us.) And this is where I must wage the battle.

When I was growing up my parents expected me to "clean up my plate." I had to eat everything set before me. Often, when we were clearing the table and putting things away, there would be a little leftover pasta or stuffing. My dad would ask me, "Do you want to eat this so it doesn't go to waste?" The idea is that if we threw it away, it would be wasted. But if I ate it--even though I was already finished eating--it would be "saved." That is crazy thinking, really. "Contribute to future obesity via gluttony by eating this extra amount of food so that we don't have to feel wasteful by throwing it away."

Just because there is more food on the table than my body needs doesn't mean I have to eat it.

Eating only what I need is not self-denial (though it might feel that way at first), it is simply what's right. Self-denial would be eating less (which is what fasting is--and that is something we're expected to do on occasion). I need to learn what that amount is, and prepare my meals accordingly. If others prepare a feast, I must learn how to (respectfully) say no to more.

I don't know how it's going to go. I'm so accustomed to eating more than I need; consuming beyond what my body requires. I'm thankful for the abundance of food. But I must not hoard it all into my body.

With Or Without God's Help

I am all for excellence in ministry.

I am all for planning and preparation.

I am all for trying to make a difference.

I am all for social research and the understanding of human dynamics.

I am all for using technology in ministry.

I am all for using money and resources in ministry.

I am all for purposing for results rather than relying on wishful thinking.

I am all for organization, programs and systems.

I think all of the above are a matter of good stewardship with the opportunities, time and resources we are given.

But there is one thing that makes me uncomfortable when I've been a part of such ministries or ministry planning--It's almost like we're saying to God when we purpose to serve him: We will build your kingdom with or without your help.

And something about that just isn't right.

I think it's the difference between praying and saying a prayer. You know what I mean? We spend an hour in planning relying on all of our human powers, resources and wisdom, and then we say a 30 second prayer to "bless" it all. Then we claim that this was God's will.

What if God would not have us use our own wisdom but would have us simply do one thing: Every day spend an hour in prayer and his Word. Listen to his voice. Then obey what he wants us to do. What would happen? How can this be done as a group/team rather than just as an individual?

A Prayer

"God, I know you can handle my accusations; but I cannot handle your response. You can handle me being like David; I cannot handle being like Job."

It Takes One To Know One

I heard this when I was a kid. When I called my sister a "pig" she would abruptly inform me: "It takes one to know one."

We all know and say that all sin is evil in God's eyes and no sin is better or worse than other sins. Still, some sins bother us more than others. A preacher can snap and in anger insult his ministry staff. Later he apologizes and is forgiven. But if that same preacher commits adultery with the deacon's college-aged daughter--he is fired. (We'll save this dicussion for another post, someday.)

Similar to pet-peeves regarding sin, there are certain kinds of character flaws I see in people that bother me more than others. When I see someone doing certain things or displaying a certain attitude it disturbs me more than other things that I might find more "forgiveable." Namely--arrogance and pride.

There is nothing I loathe more than arrogance. The problem is that I seem to run into it everywhere. Arrogance is the attitude of "I'm better than you." It is the opposite of what Paul commanded us to do in considering others better than ourselves. That would be humility. But humility seems hard to find.

I keep running into people who think they are better than me. No one considers me better than them. How arrogant of them! They should know I'm better than they are. They should treat me better! They should be praising me a lot more and seeing my value. They should ask me for my opinions instead of telling me theirs. How arrogant!

Oops. You see what I just did? I projected my own arrogance. Why do I think I recognize arrogance in other people so well? It takes one to know one. I recognize arrogance because I desire humility in others more than I desire it in myself.